The first thing you notice when visiting this website, especially if you have epilepsy, is the super annoying seizure inducing join now banner flashing at the top.

If you make it past that, the site introduction says:

aboutvoyeur.com is the leading beach and street candid website on the net right now. With the best quality candid/voyeur photos, the best quality bodies from the beach and street, and the best new and original content coming in every week. Were you looking for the one website that has the most amount of original pics, frequent updates, and high quality pics? We promise you this site is it. Sign up now, with instant access you get inside in  exactly 39 seconds. We update once a day 5 to 6 times per week. Below you can see the latest updates.

Wow, exactly 39 seconds? Updating 5-6 times a week sounds cool. But the last update was in 2004, and 2004 was long after voyeur sites stopped being interesting. First, it is hard for me to really be impressed by someone who wanders around taking crappy photos of people without needing to pay them (or ask permission) and then charge people money to see said photos. But aside from that, anyone who has a voyeur fetish need only to cruise flickr, myspace, or any other number of social sites and blogs to see far more pictures of chicks in bikinis at the beach than this site provides.

But even in providing much real content this site fails. Many of the “gallery” links in the members area actually just link you to other pay sites where you need to pay another subscription fee to see what is inside.

Lame.

Price: $19.95 / Month

Click Here to visit AboutVoyeur.com, then come back to tell us how awful it is!

I wonder if California would be in better shape if Mary had become governor? Probably not…

This site claims to be the Official Mary Carey website, and indeed it is.

But the problem is, at some point Mary gave up on that official site and worked with another company to make a new official site at marycareyxxx.com. That is fine and all, but why not forward the old domain to the new one?

MaryCarey.com features only 2 photo sets and 14 videos. The diary and Ask Mary features do not work.

The last update was feb 2007.

Mary, you should do more to make sure your fans find the good site and not your crappy old site.

Price :

$19.95 Monthly

$89.95 Year

Click here to visit MaryCarey.com, then come back to tell us how awful you think it is!

Elle Hayes looks pretty cute and the tour and site looks really slick…

Except that you can’t view any photos or movies–there are php errors everywhere.

Nothing works at all.

I feel bad for anyone who paid only to find nothing inside.

Price: 29.95 Monthly

Click here to visit ElleHayes.com, then come back to tell us how awful it is!

For our new “Good Porn” section, the first review goes to FleshBot.com.

Fleshbot is getting ready to celebrate 6 years online, and I have been a dedicated reader since the day they launched. Wow…Crazy how time goes by.

Fleshbot has frequent updates all day long, and it is not just random crap. Fleshbot covers everything truly interesting in the world of porn and they do not just stick to the mainstream. Each post is well written and you can tell that every topic, photo, and video is carefully chosen.

I credit much of Fleshbot’s success to the editor, super-awesome Lux Alptraum. Fleshbot was always cool, but I really think that her experience, perspective, and skills helped take it to the next level.

Click here to visit FleshBot.com, then come back to tell us how awesome it is!

“LaraBond.com – Formerly known as Lara Bond”
What?

“Last Update: May 1st – The Next Update will be in 2 weeks “

I am not sure but I think that is May 2004. It might be safe to assume that there will be no more updates.

It gets even better..

“ATTENTION !!! – DON´T TRY TO WATCH THE MOVIE CLIPS RIGHT AWAY – THEY WILL NOT RUN PROPERLY !!!

YOU HAVE TO DOWNLOAD THE MOVIE FILES TO YOUR HARDDISK – ONCE DOWNLOADED YOU CAN WATCH THEM IN YOUR REAL PLAYER

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FREE REAL PLUGIN DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE AT Real.com

THE MOVIE CLIPS WILL BE ONLINE 2 WEEK AND ONLY 2 WEEK – YOU WILL SEE BI WEEKLY 6 NEW ONES DURING VACATION TIME”

Huh? Vacation time? And Real Player? Come on…this is not 1998.

There are similar warnings elsewhere about photos only being on one week at a time. I am guessing the person is trying to say that he rotates the content.

The navigation is horrible. When you go to select models or movies there are no thumbnails so it is a surprise to see what you are getting each time.

A couple of the movie links just take you to a pay per view movie site.

What a terribly awful lame site.

Price: $26.95 Monthly

Click here to visit LaraBond.com, then come back to tell us how awful it is!

An altporn site on awfulporn is a first. I am not saying that all altporn sites are good, but they typically are not bad because so much emphasis is placed on community features and interaction between the models and members. Altporn sites are typically updated frequently and usually have interesting and active forums and blogs to read.

ManicJane.com started out this way. I even talked to the owner a few times back when they started. But after a while I got the feeling that running an adult site was not for him. You need to dedicate a lot of time, energy and money to it. This guy seemed to be short on all of those things.

At the end of 2005 the last photo set was posted on Manic Jane and eventually their forums and community features were taken offline, but continued to take new memberships. To their credit they do have a lot of original content. There are just over 70 models, but many of them can be found on other active altporn sites such as EroticBPM (Yeah shameless self promotion there.)

Ultimately, the site should just be taken offline. Since 2005 they could have easily either sold the content to someone else or just taken it down. But instead they want people to pay money to see a site that no longer has updates and is only half functioning. There are plenty of other altporn sites out there that would use that money to bring in fresh content and new features.

Price: $4 a month

Click here to visit ManicJane.com

Lisa Dergan fucking sucks.

Seriously…wtf.

You are were a PLAYBOY MODEL. You have a pay site that has not been updated since 2003 and you do not even get naked inside!

All that is in the members section are a few old timey blog posts about partying with Hef at the mansion and some fully clothed candid pics taken while hanging out with other bunnies who are also fully clothed.

If you want to be a washed up forgotten playboy model, that is fine with me. Just take your worthless site offline!

Price: $16.95 Monthly

Click here to visit LisaDergan.com, then come back to tell us how awful it is!

The first thing to take note of on this site: all the graphics say Melissa Christine, but the domain name is MelissaChirstine.com C-h-i-r-s-t-i-n-e. Wtf? Did she misspell her own name when purchasing the domain?

Next, note this quote from her home page:

“Hey! I’m Melissa Christine and you have joined me at just the right time! My site is very personal! I want to make sure members are 100% satisfied with my site. The most important thing to me is that all of my members are happy and have lots of fun, because I realize finding a good web site that provides good customer service, sexy updates, and exclusive pictures can be difficult. So, I want to personally assure you that joining melissachristine.com and becoming a member will be easy and something you will be satisfied with for a long time!”

Well it would seem that Melissa wanted to make a quality website. And it appears that she did for a while. Her forums have a couple thousand registered users, but the last post was in 2006. Once you log into the site, it says that the next live cam show will be a year ago. All of the webcam galleries are broken which is too bad because there is a shitload of them. There are 10 photo sets, and about 35 videos.

And well, that is about it.

It seems that Melissa has given up on her site. What a shame.

Price: $9.95 seven day trial $19.95 recurring monthly.

Click here to visit MelissaChirstine.com, then come back and tell us how awful it is!